


these two lanes will take us anywhere (if we get started in the first place)

by janie_tangerine



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (I'm not joking), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Idiots in Love, Italy, Lethal Highway, M/M, Robb Stark is a Gift, Summer Vacation, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, basically: they get stuck on the worst highway you can get stuck in in this continent or country, very vague references to past abuse but it's really a sentence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>where Robb and Theon are on vacation in Italy and Robb should have listened to Jon when he said, don't drive to Naples.</p><p>Or maybe it's okay that he hasn't listened, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	these two lanes will take us anywhere (if we get started in the first place)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a_bittersweet_crow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_bittersweet_crow/gifts).



> OKAY SO theonweek last minute entry (along with a second I'll post shortly) which was part of my 'LET'S FINISH UP BIRTHDAY PROMPTS FOR THEONWEEK', this is for charleywrg on tumblr who wanted these two idiots on a trip abroad MAYBE IN ITALY with _go on holiday with you lover, don’t plan things, just go ahead. If after that, you still love them, marry them_. And when she said it, I immediately had to be a complete bastard to these poor guys. I swear I made it up to them, though. I hope you enjoy!  <3
> 
> Aaaand so, okay, have Theon and Robb stuck on the [Salerno/Reggio Calabria highway](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autostrada_A3_\(Italy\)). I can already hear every Italian reading this A/N laughing themselves to death - good, that's what you should do. If you're not Italian, just know that the Salerno/Reggio is hell on earth. Everything that happens in this fic until they're on the highway, except for the nice OCs is what happened last time me and the parents drove through it - yes, included the bathrooms situation and the thing with the gas pump. I can swear to you that this is all 100% accurate.
> 
> Also, nothing is mine and the title is sort of from Springsteen - the first half. The second is me dicking around.

“ _What_ did you just say now?”

“It looks like we’re stuck,” Robb shrugs – it’s pretty much stating the obvious since it’s been half an hour and they barely moved.

“What the hell,” Theon says as he stares at the road stretching in front of them. “This is not normal.”

Robb does agree – it’s not. He’s never ended up in this kind of traffic jam, never mind that no one is honking or trying to get out of the car to see what’s going on. Damn, if things don’t change soon they’re screwed – their schedule was very tightly planned. Driving around Sicily for a week, which had gone more or less swimmingly (Jon, who had gone with Sam, Gilly and Ygritte a couple of years ago, had left him a thorough list of what to do and not to do when driving around there), then taking the boat to the mainland, one day to reach Naples by highway, another three there, and then they have to give the car back and take the train to Rome – from then on it’s safe to use trains, they said.

Except that one day on the highway was going to be _one day_ , if counting the time to the minute.

“Well,” Robb says, “guess we could listen to some music.”

Theon snorts and turns on the radio, and they listen to it for another half an hour, during which Robb thinks they advance another… one hundred meters. Maybe.

“This is ridiculous,” Theon blurts at some point after. “I mean, what the fuck, we’ve left that boat _five hours ago_ and we’re still not at one third of the road. This isn’t normal. It can’t be normal, can it?”

“No, you’re right,” Robb agrees, killing down the engine. No reason to waste gas, especially since he’s already in the last third of the tank. “Still, this is strange. Obviously we can’t even listen to the radio since it’s all in Italian.”

“Seriously, what the fuck,” Theon groans, and then Robb remembers one thing.

One thing Jon had told him off handed, one day when Robb had been doing something else in the meantime, and he hadn’t paid too much attention, but –

“Oh, fuck.”

“Wait, what’s going on?”

“A second. I need to call Jon.”

“You need to call Jon? Why?”

“I think I made a huge mistake. Just – wait.”

He grabs his phone, calls Jon and hopes that the international unplanned phone call won’t kill his remaining credit.

“Robb?” Jon answers a moment later. “What – didn’t we agree you’d call just from Skype?”

“Yeah, uhm, I need to ask you something. Did you say anything about an highway we were somehow not supposed to take?”

“Uh, yeah, the Salerno-Reggio Calabria.”

… _Shit_. “What was the deal with it?”

“It’s a bloody mess. There are works in progress everywhere – like they started it forty years ago and they still haven’t finished, so if there’s an accident you get stuck for hours if it’s bad. And the service areas are shitty and it’s just a bad idea all around to take it. Robb, don’t tell me that –”

“… I might have forgotten it.”

“You’re _there_.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re stuck, I imagine.”

“… Yes?”

“Wait a moment, I’ll get Sam to look at the internet and translate what might be going on there. Where are you now?”

“Er, Vibo Valentia?”

“Right. Hold on.”

“Robb, what’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you in a moment,” Robb says, staring down at his screen in abject terror.

A minute later, he gets the text.

 _Robb, seriously? There’s been a wreck around Lamezia, which is some three exits from the one you’re at. But it was two trucks colliding and one of them was carrying some kind of inflammable material, so they have to clear the scene, clean the road and so on – it’s going to take you at least three hours. I told you not to take that highway_.

… Fuck.

“Uhm, Theon?” He starts, and he sounds so apologetic that if the tone doesn’t give out that it’s on him…

“Robb, what the hell?”

“I, uh, might have done something very stupid when I didn’t listen to Jon a few weeks ago. He was giving me advice for the trip and I might – have missed some.”

“As in?”

Robb hands the phone over to Theon, who reads the text, sighs out loud and hands it back without a word.

“So now we’re stuck here for the foreseeable future?”

“… I guess so?”

“Right, then if we ever get moving, you need to pull over at the next gas station. Because we only have enough food for lunch, never mind that we’re almost in reserve.”

 _Shit_. 

He might really have fucked up here. It’s not that he particularly minds being stuck on the highway, but he knows Theon hates being in small spaces for a long amount of time, he always has, and that he only agreed to the car idea because it was a lot cheaper than the train, and they had been told that trains were not a good choice. They should have just taken a ship to Napoli or something, surely there has to be one that brings also cars. If they even needed the car.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs.

“Never mind, Robb. Let’s just hope we get unstuck at some point.”

Yeah. Let’s hope.

\--

Three agonizing hours later, they finally see a rest stop – good because they _really_ are this close to be out of gas, and they need more food as they ate their sandwiches for lunch before, and other than that he really needs a bathroom.

“Shit,” Theon groans as Robb pulls over to the gas dispenser, “ _of course_ it’s all self service. Not that I mind, but – whatever. Let’s just get this over with, then you can go get food and use the bathroom and I’ll stand guard here.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go first?”

“Nah, I ate two of our three sandwiches before, I think I’m good. And I wasn’t driving.”

Good point. Well then, they should just go and –

“Fuck,” he says.

“What?”

“The instructions are all in Italian.”

“Are you kidding me?” Theon glances around – it’s all families with children around, and while Robb is the one studying languages and not him, Robb is sure that he has worked out that most people aren’t even speaking Italian, they’re speaking some kind of vernacular that isn’t Sicilian. Never mind that Robb studies Scandinavian languages, not romance ones – he only knows Latin and some French, and his French is really bad.

“It’s quicker if I hope I know enough French to understand the instructions than asking for help, right?”

“Considering that the rest area is packed, yes, I think it is.”

“Shit. Well then, okay, I’ll just – try to figure it out. Hand me fifty euros?”

Theon does, and Robb reads the instructions carefully – he thinks he’s guessed one word every five, but maybe it’s enough.

He manages to go as far as putting money in there without a problem.

Then a green light turns on over pump number two.

“Okay, that one. Grab it, yes, okay, though wait – ah shit, don’t press –”

Too late. It did say not to press a certain button when taking the pump out and Theon did and –

“ _Fuck_ ,” he groans as dark petrol leaves a stain on the pale azure shirt he had gone through the trouble of washing and ironing last evening.

“Fuck, hurry up and get changed,” Robb says, forgetting the instructions at once.

“What –”

“Theon, if someone smoking passes by and the cigarette somehow lands on you that shirt’s going to catch fire, just grab clothes from the back, go to the bathroom and _get changed_ before I freak out, I’m going to fill it up.”

Theon hands him over the pump without a word and Robb fills the gas tank without too much of a problem while Theon grabs a t-shirt from one of the bags and heads for the rest area.

Robb is putting the pump back in place when Theon comes back not even a minute later, without having changed.

“What –”

Theon shrugs, takes off his shirt in the middle of the area and puts on the new clothes before throwing the dirty one in some plastic bag they had in the back of the car.

“What the fuck, you didn’t even wash it off? You’ve got petrol on the side of your face, just –”

“Try going to that restroom, then we can talk about it. I’d rather get caught on fucking fire.”

Robb doesn’t pry and drives the car out to the parking lot.

“Right, I’m just going to get food then.”

“Good luck with that. Also, we’re stopping on the side of the road later.”

“What?”

“I need to use a bathroom and I’ll have to make do.”

“For real?” If there is someone Robb’s met in his life who always despised the practice that’d be Theon, who actually loathes using public restrooms in the first place, but –

“Ask me again when you’ve come back.”

Robb doesn’t pry further and heads for the rest area.

Which is, in fact, packed. After five minutes of making his way forward, he realizes that there’s nothing left to eat, so just gets an espresso and figures it’ll do until the next stop. Then he heads for the public bathrooms in the back.

The first thing he sees is a long line outside one of the four stalls. Then he notices that it’s mostly families with children, again. And then he smells the air.

He sends a panicked look around before locating some sixteen year old who looks fairly bothered with his surroundings, and he heads for him – surely there’s a higher chance he speaks English rather than anyone else he sees, since it’s mostly middle aged people with children.

“Uh, sorry, can I ask you something?”

The kid, bless him, turns towards him and nods. “Yeah, cool.”

“Right. Is there, uh, a problem with the other three bathrooms?”

“Oh, that. They’re all clogged, man. This one we’re in line for works still, but I dunno for how long. I checked into one before, guess it’s not a surprise if people throw stuff down the toilet, if you get my meaning.”

“… Thank you.”

Robb turns his back on the bathrooms and heads for the car, going back in the driver’s seat.

“See what I meant?” Theon asks, sounding pained.

“Yeah,” Robb replies, and drives out of the rest area and into the line of cars.

\--

Three hours later and they had to take turns – as the highway’s constipated still, there’s zero privacy to do your business on the side of the road and so both of them had to walk five minutes to find a relatively hidden place farther into the trees. Robb will never ever again tell Theon he’s a control freak for having brought with fifteen packets of tissues.

They did go on some, and Jon has sent them updates – the wreck’s scene is being cleared, but it’s also next to a point where the pavement is still a work in progress so it’s going to go slow anyway.

It’s almost six PM, they’re not even out of Calabria and Robb wants to punch himself in the face.

“When did you say the next rest stop is?”

“It said one hundred kilometers at the last sign we passed,” Theon sighs.

“Fuck.”

“Why, I never heard you swear so much at once in your life.”

“It’s called for. Shit, Theon, I’m really sorry, I should have –”

“Stark, it’s not your fault people can’t drive and getting angry won’t help any, just relax.”

“We should just get out at the nearest exit and see if we can find somewhere to sleep it off, at this point staying here is just detrimental. Also, we need food.”

Right. They do. Never mind that they were idiots – they should have packed. And he was an idiot for not insisting. People think Theon has weird idiosyncrasies, but Robb remembers the second to last year of high school, he remembers Theon barely speaking to him for four months while he was hanging with Ramsay Bolton’s crew in a moment where things at his place where extra shitty. He also remembers how Theon had showed up at his door with a black eye and having lost entirely too much weight for Robb’s tastes. And from then on Robb hasn’t missed that he always eats thrice a day like clockwork at least. He also knows why Theon likes having routines – mostly because his family never had any, he suspects, so he doesn’t mind if he gets control freak-ish about that at times, and he’s perfectly aware that he’s pretty much disrupting most of them at the same time and that they might both go without eating until tomorrow. Well, damn it.

“If we get to the nearest exit.” Theon grabs the map they had bought and squints down at it until he finally locates their position. “Uhm.”

“What?”

“Next exit is… _San Mango d’Aquino_? What the hell of a name for someplace is it, let me text Snow.”

“I can –”

“Worry about driving.”

Theon texts and Robb drives ever so slowly – at least the traffic’s moving. 

“Well, damn it,” Theon proclaims five minutes later, after his phone rings.

“What’s the bad news now?”

“Our merry little village has one thousand and something inhabitants, is kind of not exactly right out of the exit and in order to get to the next place with a bed and breakfast you have to use a map of the area because it’s all local roads, not the highway.”

“… And we don’t have that, do we?”

“Nope, never mind that Snow says that the likelihood of people understanding English is close to zero even if they’re running an hotel.”

“… shit. Well, at least we can get food, you don’t need to communicate in order to do that, right?”

“Yeah, well, guess it’s a point. If we ever reach that exit, which we shouldn’t take for granted by now.”

Maybe Theon should have never said that out loud – they drive slowly but surely for another half hour, and then the line stops again.

Robb swallows down and doesn’t kill the engine for another five minutes, but when he sees all the cars around doing it, he follows suit.

He grabs his phone, figuring he’ll ask Jon for info again –

“I can’t believe this.” He wants to cry.

“What?”

“There’s no coverage here.”

“Huh. Well, we were heading towards the mountains.”

“Damn it, damn it, _damn it_.”

Fine, maybe banging his head against the steering wheel wasn’t dignified, but he doesn’t know what the hell he should do – he’s resolved to drive through the night at this point, but they’re still without food, it’s fucking hot in here because the sun’s been beating down on them all afternoon, and Theon’s still smelling of gas and they can’t waste what water they have on cleaning that off, never mind that he’s noticed Theon getting progressively uncomfortable with it, and he _knows_ why, and he hates himself for not having just paid attention to that tiny detail. He did all the organization for the trip, he should have fucking known –

And then someone knocks on their car window.

It’s – a fourteen year old girl holding the hand of a six year old boy that looks like her brother, with a middle aged woman next to them – possibly the mother. The car next to them has the door open, so they probably saw him having his non-dignified breakdown.

He lowers the window seat.

“Uh, hello?” He doesn’t even try talking in Italian lest they assume he speaks some.

“Mister, do you have a problem?” The fourteen year old looks sincerely concerned for him, and she’s also speaking slowly, and her mother looks down at her proudly.

Robb vows to speak slowly – he knows he doesn’t have exactly the easiest accent on the ears. “… Actually, yes. Me and my friend, uh, we thought we’d drive to Naples from Messina. But – we had no idea the highway would… be like this?”

The girl sends him a sympathetic look.

“And – well, before we stopped at a gas station and they were out of food, and we didn’t pack dinner. Also the phone has no coverage, so we can’t find out what’s going on.”

“Right. Wait a moment.” The girl asks her mom something in Italian, the mom shouts it back at the father who’s still in the car and they get an answer a moment later. The girl thinks about it for a second, and then.

“Well, okay, it looks like they… cleared the trucks accident. But there was another crash just before the next exit. Four cars.”

 _Shit_ , Robb thinks, that means that it’s going to take them ages to clear up the area.

“Dad says we might not move until… eleven.”

 _Even worse_.

“I imagine there’s no place to sleep around here, is it?”

The girl asks her mom, who shakes her head before answering. She sounds sorry for them. Amazing, or maybe not.

“Mom says that maybe there’s a few hotels but if everyone here has your same idea, they’ll be full in no time – people near the exit will get there first. And we’re – half an hour away from it.”

There’s no way this situation can get any worse, Robb figures, but he musters up a smile – they’ve been nice and he can’t take it out on them.

“Thank – thank you very much, you’ve been very helpful. And your English is great.”

“Thank you,” she preens. “But – your friend, what’s that smell?”

“I got gas on me at the self service,” Theon answers, sounding mortified. The girl laughs and then looks embarrassed about that, but Theon just shakes his head. “Go ahead, I deserved it.”

And then the girl turns towards her mom. Robb understands nothing except that she mentioned the gas thing and that they have a lot of he doesn’t know what in the trunk. The mother nods, holds a hand up towards them and goes back to the car, both kids following along – the boy stays in the car after that, while the parents talk it out. Then the mom and the girl go rustle in the back and the dad gives Robb a thumbs up.

What’s going on here?

A moment later, the girl shows up with a couple Tupperware containers, paper napkins and a packet of plastic forks.

“Grandma gave us a lot of food for the trip and so on,” she explains, “and our town’s at the next big exit, so even if we get there late tonight we’re getting home. Dad says you have at least another twelve hours if the road clears and we aren’t eating all of our food before then anyway, you can have these.”

For a moment, Robb must look like he’s not computing it, because the girl laughs.

“What, it’s fine. Take it.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” he says as he reaches out for the containers. “Really, that’s – that’s amazing, you didn’t have to –”

The mother says something.

“Mom says there’s no use if you aren’t nice to people in need. And that your friend needs to go wash at the next rest stop.”

“I swear I will,” Theon replies, and he sounds kind of choked, too. “Really, thank you. We just went completely wrong with this, but –”

“Yeah, I can see that” She laughs again and waves at them before they go back to the car – both Robb and Theon wave back until they’re inside.

“Well,” Robb says a moment later, “I will never hear a word against Italians in my life.”

“Likewise,” Theon agrees immediately. “So, should we?”

“Shit, yes, I’m starving.”

He opens the first container – there’s pasta inside. A long kind, with tomato sauce and eggplant pieces in it, and it’s more than enough for two people. In the second there’s what looks like sweets, so he figures they can save them for tomorrow morning or later.

“Right. Let’s just go with the pasta, we can do dessert later.”

“Sounds great.” Theon opens up the plastic sack and hands Robb a fork, and they both start eating directly out of the container – no point in going back and see if they have plates.

“Shit, this is _good,_ ” Theon says a moment later. “That grandmother is a saint.”

“Everyone in that car’s a saint,” Robb agrees as he digs in. Damn, it is delicious. They’re done in maybe ten minutes, and considering that it was a portion for three people at least they should probably be embarrassed, but – well, he was famished and Theon obviously was, too.

And just in time, because he sees the line moving forward just when they’re done – Robb throws the container at Theon before starting up the car again.

Half an hour later they’re finally past the blasted exit, and of course everyone is going in that direction except a few people – good, it means the road won’t be as packed.

Robb barely has time to feel relieved, because then the car next to him speeds past them so fast he barely manages to keep himself on the right lane.

“What the fuck,” he shouts as he quickly moves to the lane on the right – where the slow cars should be going.

“Can that idiot even drive,” Theon echoes, and a moment later they’re surpassed by someone else going well past the speed limit _on the hard shoulder_.

… for real?

“What is this even,” Robb groans, “has everyone decided this is a race?”

“What the fuck,” Theon agrees, and Robb decides to soldier on and stay on his lane – people honk at him but he doesn’t go farther than the 120 kph limit, and he lasts one hour. At that point, they’re out of Calabria, thank fuck, but people are still driving like madmen and he’s been up since seven in the morning – he’s beat, and of course there’s no line on either of their cells. 

“Right. I’m gonna take the first exit and hope _Lauria_ is a civilized place.”

Theon doesn’t disagree – he looks flat-out beat, too, and Robb heads for the rest stop before the exit – for some miracle, there’s someone serving at the gas pump.

“Okay, can you make sure he fills it up while I go inside and hope that someone in there speaks enough English to give me a clue?”

“Sure. Good luck.” He sounds dead tired, and Robb feels terrible about having put the both of them in this mess, but there’s no point going into it now. He heads for the bar.

He comes out of it five minutes later and drops into the seat without even trying to do it gracefully.

“Bad news?” Theon asks.

“Kind of. The nearest town is at seven kilometers, but she called some friend of hers who works at the tourist info point and all the hotels are booked. She says we might have a chance in another town which has some twenty places, but it’s… thirty kilometers from here and who knows if we might get lost without knowing the road. The good news is that since she took pity on me she gave me the three pastries she had left for free.”

“Really?”

“Aha. And she says that if you wanna wash off the gas their bathroom actually works.”

“Did you tell them?”

“Well, I had to go, but I might have asked her if it was functioning. She was very amused.”

“Shit. Well then, guess we should just find a secluded corner and sleep in the car?”

“I guess so,” Robb says. “I’m sorry, I know you hate –”

“Robb, I’ve spent half of my childhood stuck sleeping in a car with _my brothers_ and sometimes I slept in the fucking trunk, I think I can handle a night with you. I’m just gonna go change there, then.”

Robb nods and Theon goes – he comes back ten minutes later smelling notably less like gas and with a clean shirt. Robb drives away, takes the exit anyway and asks the guy manning the toll booth if there’s some place people can park their car and sleep. The guy manages to tell them that there’s a free camping someplace on the side of the road if they drive straight, they’ll see a few trailers – they can just park over next to them and no one will give a shit.

Another fifteen minutes of driving and it’s there, thankfully. Robb could cry.

He parks the car and then heads for the trunk, grabbing a few blankets he had packed just in case. Thank fuck they have a big backseat.

“Right,” he says as he gets inside, “I guess it’s time we sleep this off.”

“You more than me, you look like you could faint. I’m driving tomorrow.”

“You hate driving.”

“You’re beat, Robb, just don’t.”

Theon gets in the other side where Robb has already spread the first blanket on the seats and he lays down against the cushions.

“Well, could be less comfortable,” he proclaims a moment later.

“We could be in a bed,” Robb sighs before draping the other blanket all over them and closing the car from the inside – you can never know. He puts an arm around Theon’s waist and moves them so that they’re nestled against each other and Theon’s head is on his shoulder – gosh, he really hopes they don’t move too much lest they fall down of the backseat in the night.

“As stated, I think this could have gone plenty worse,” Theon says against his neck.

“Yeah, right, and I threw you into your worst nightmare. Ruined shirts, no private bathrooms and sleeping on the car, never mind ending up without food?”

Theon snorts and snuggles closer. “Well, I’d have never managed to look like a kicked red kitten enough for those people to take pity on me. You’re doing all right, I think.”

“Fuck you,” Robb says without bite, a hand going to the back of Theon’s head.

Right. It’s a shitty situation, but they’re both warm, the weather is good and they aren’t going to sleep with a hole in their stomach. He figures it’s better than nothing.

\--

The following morning, he opens his eyes at sundown – he blinks and looks out of the window, taking the view in.

And – well, wow.

The evening before he hadn’t realized that they have parked in a nice place – they’re still more or less in the mountains, and the camping is a fairly large field covered in grass from which you can see a lot of the area below – they’re on some sort of cliff right now. Looking down, he can see a lake. They’re surrounded by mountains, and considering that the sun is just rising the entire scenery looks kind of ethereal.

He grins and shakes Theon’s shoulders a bit, pressing his mouth to Theon’s forehead when he barely stirs.

“Come on, wake up.”

“The fuck, Stark, it’s not even eight in the morning,” Theon groans looking at his watch.

“Yeah, I’d wake up if I were you. You don’t wanna miss it.”

“Fine, fine, what’s so – well, _wow_.”

Theon pushes the door open and Robb follows him out – the morning air is chilly, but then again they’re on a mountain, so they both shiver for a moment. Robb grabs the Tupperware container first and the blanket later, and drapes it around the both of them as they walk forward, until they can see the entire area around them. Everything is bathed in a soft pink/gold glow and for a moment Robb thinks that they could have done a lot worse, if they had to be stranded here.

“Shit,” Theon says, “that’s gorgeous. Where are we, again?”

“Uh, the next region over? Not Campania. There’s one in the middle. Wait, Basilicata. I think.”

“And it was nowhere on the tour book?”

“Not in the main itineraries I checked before leaving.”

“Huh.” Theon stares out just a bit and Robb reaches down and takes his hand as they sit down and stare some more. Then he puts the container in between them, opening it with one hand.

“What –”

“Come on, I know you want breakfast as soon as you wake up. And – that stuff looks good.” It’s almond pastries – one orange, a few lemon, most others are plain.

Theon laughs at that, shaking his head as he reaches down and grabs a lemon pastry, biting into it. “This stuff is fucking awesome,” he agrees before taking the second bite and swallowing it down. “And you know what, I think I have two questions.”

“Sure.”

“First, I’m thinking that _maybe_ we could postpone going to Naples. I mean – come on, this place looks gorgeous. We should ask around. We ended up this far, no point in just getting back on that fucking highway, right?”

“I can live with it,” Robb says. After all, they were going to buy the train tickets on location in case they decided to spend a few days more in Naples and as long as they’re in Milan three weeks from now, well, they can do whatever they like. “Okay, you win. We’re going to whichever town’s the nearest after we’re done here. Where we’re finding a place to sleep and getting a full lunch. Something tells me there’s no shortage of places to eat.”

“There’s no shortage of places to eat anywhere in this country,” Theon mutters. And then he looks down at the Tupperware container, then up at him again, and – he looks kind of worried, just a bit, but also – determined? What?

“On to question two,” he starts. “Well, I kind of had a plan. I was going to ask it in Rome. In a very clichéd location. Because your sister told me that it was a wasted occasion if I didn’t.”

“Wait, _what_?”

“But I think that after the last two days I can’t really wait that much longer, especially if I don’t know when we’re getting to Rome.”

“Theon, what are you on?”

“Also, I was going to buy what I needed there, so I have nothing now, of course, but whatever, I guess you won’t mind.”

“… All right? What’s it about?”

“Hm, how about we get married when we go back home?”

For a moment Robb is so thrown out by that question that he can just gape.

“Wait, sorry, did you just say –”

“Do I have to say it twice?” Theon is laughing now, but he still does look a bit apprehensive, and Robb should probably go and answer because he knows how Theon ticks, but he has to take it in for a moment, because –

“Just – did you ask me right now when you had a plan?”

“Plans are overrated. And – right, don’t laugh, but – when I got Jon’s message yesterday, I was kinda dying inside.”

“I had figured, but you could have said –”

“No point in doing that. And then when we went to sleep yesterday the only thing I could think was that even if I should be pissed because I ended up in my worst nightmare – it was not the case, I wasn’t particularly minding also because somehow you managed to do exactly everything you should have done –”

“I got us stuck in the first place!”

“Yeah, you handled it fine. And – then you wake me up just for the romantic view while making sure I get myself stuffed with almond pastries? The first thing I thought was that there was no reason to wait any further. By the way, an answer would be nice?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Robb says, not even trying not to laugh, and then he moves forward, grabs the lapels of Theon’s shirt and kisses him full right there – he can taste the lemon and the almond on his tongue still, and he still smells of gas faintly, and the two of them really need a shower, but for some reason it’s a damned good kiss. It’s damned good because they’re both smiling into it, and they’re taking their time as their tongues meet and Theon’s hands grab at Robb’s waist, and when they part Robb’s smiling so hard it hurts.

“Sure, of course I’d marry you. I’d go down to the courthouse in whichever godforsaken little town is the nearest and do it if it was legal here. And since you didn’t get me a ring, I call dibs on the orange pastry.”

“Sounds good to me,” Theon breathes back against his mouth, his voice kind of choked but in the good way, and they kiss again before finishing up the sweets – Robb gets the orange one as agreed and he can’t stop grinning like there’s no tomorrow as he stares down at the lake first and at their joined fingers later.

He can already imagine his family laughing at this when he tells them – _yes he asked in some place in the middle of the mountains whose name we don’t even know after we spent a day stuck on the worst-run highway in the Western world, what’s so funny?_ – and he knows he doesn’t give a shit.

“Right,” he says when the container’s empty, “ready to explore the unknown?”

“Sure, but you drive.”

“Fine by me.”

And they should stand up, but it’s comfortable, and it’s warm, and the scenery is gorgeous, and –

They don’t move until one of the students staying in the trailer who is probably nursing an hangover comes up to them and congratulates them in German, and at that point they decide that maybe it’s the case to bring the PDA somewhere else, but as they laugh while they get inside the car, Robb thinks that after all not listening to Jon last month hasn’t been the worst idea he’s ever had.

 

End.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone's interested, they ended up near the [Lago della Rotonda](http://static.panoramio.com/photos/large/103306312.jpg) in Basilicata, which is smack in the middle of another two state parks - I took a lot of liberal interpretation because I have no clue if there's actually a place like the one where they park in that area but they are sorta common in Sicily and I haven't been in that area in years so just pretend it makes sense.
> 
> (Also, forreal, there are people here who couldn't place Basilicata on a map and it's their loss because it's a gorgeous region so idk I advocate visiting it. Which is why they're staying there for a bit. ;) )


End file.
